dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
PANTIES FOUND
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