His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
where are my eyebrows?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize