I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize