You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
