Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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