My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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