I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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