Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
