When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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