I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
