a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Boobs are out for the taking
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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