nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up under a house in Key West
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