dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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