The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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