Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
