thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
