Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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