Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
