I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
