woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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