and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
