I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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