sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
