his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
