YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize