a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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