Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I need moral support for this bender
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
