Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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