wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
