I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
