They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
