You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize