Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
