playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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