I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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