I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
