I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
