I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
