omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
