Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
