Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize