i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
