his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
