i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
