drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
