after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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