I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
