I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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