i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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