You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
