he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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