brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sarcasm needs its own font
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
