Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize