did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
