did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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