I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
