I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
