Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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