They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
