Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
