You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
