Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize