You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
