I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
